Weekend
2003-01-26

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Kegboy's mages.
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Penny Arcade
RedMEAT

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Montreal was...

A little haunted.

Not enough time with the boys, but maybe that'll keep me motivated to go back soon.

Strange times with my father, who...

Smiled when he saw me.

Said nice things.

Asked if I was dating Dave, and when I answered "yes", fully expecting a full-frontal assault, said "he looks like a serious boy. He's okay, you don't need to hide it."

Word for word.

I wandered down the stairs into Saturday in a daze, wondering where this new father had come from, what medication had metastasized the father I'd always wanted for 2003.

I spent Saturday hugging my princess, giggling, hugging VIncent who screamed "AUNTIE GILA" and cuddling little wriggling Maya and her parents and holed up on their couch and talking like we haven't been able to do in two years.

Gods, I miss them so much. Miss living down the street, miss saving Nancy from the housemum doldrums, miss the most delirious conversations that left us both agape.

At one point when Vincent did something terribly affectionate, I was on the verge of tears, missing them so much.

Sunday I woke into my mother's fury, her reasoning why Dave isn't good enough and still in love with his ex wife, a shopping spree that resulted in a really nice shirt and pair of pants for work, and a pile of too-jew clothing that kept her quiet for a good half hour.

They're in the back of the closet, having served their placating purpose.

Now, I am home, nervous to high hells for tomorrow, worrying about everything from my blood pressure to what needs to get done by noon, to what I'm packing for lunch.

The drive was long and worried and difficult, but one thing rings out just loud enough to hear

Dave waiting for me in bed, and the way Maya would crane in my arms to stare at him every time words would come tumbling from his mouth in his inpossibly deep rumble.

For a moment, a seven month old girl, understood exactly how I felt.

In awe.

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Last few Rants:

I guess this is goodbye. - 11:57 a.m. , 2005-02-10
Endorphins, stress, and magickal mystery - 5:07 p.m. , 2005-02-02
stress, incoming - 4:42 p.m. , 2005-01-28
heaving great happy sighs - 3:05 p.m. , 2005-01-24
Imposter syndrome strikes again - 1:20 p.m. , 2005-01-19