heaving great happy sighs



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I met my first crazy person at the gym today (that is besides "you have beautiful breasts" woman). She was petitioning absolutely everyone in the locker room about her difficulty finding work, all at the same time preaching about how "right downtown is the only place to live' and at the same time bitching me out for suggesting places in gov't that might be hiring.

"Oh I can't work in the public sector" she explained, talking about how despiccable public works are and how only private sector companies really do good things for society.

I had to blink a few times before choosing my "end this discussion now" words carefully -- I can understand having issues with the waste and laziness that you can encounter in parts of the public sector -- but thinking that modern megacorporations have any regard for society at all just boggled my mind so profoundly that it was all I could do not to launch into a killing-all-that-is-good-in-humanity rant.

Clearly, I'm the other crazy person at the gym -- but listening to this slathering, babbling, begging woman demand work opportunities one moment, and then turn down a number of suggestions with the next left me reeling.

But then, aside from a suspicious "don't forget how important your work is to us Gila" speech today (it makes me wonder what's coming down the pipe that might make me question wanting to do it enough to warrant a pep-talk) I love my job and am having a hard time sympathizing with some people. (only some, mind you. only some.)

In other news, the Wheel of the Year kickoff this weekend was spectacular. When dinner wrapped up on Friday and we all found each other thanking each other over and over for coming, for helping, for participating, for just being there -- when I saw the look of awe in some eyes, and found myself just holding other people while they talked, it was the most magical thing ever.

That, and Imbolc being all about the candles -- when we lit every single candle in the house plus all of Nicole's leftover rit candles from the whole year -- the house just blazed with... something.

Standing by Stacy with my arms about her shoulders whilst the house radiated warmth and the spoils of dinner graced the table I realized how badly I wanted to share that moment with so many people, how bolstering and bright it would be.

Maybe one day, as it seems that we might actually make an honest try at keeping going. Volunteer hands were raised for Spring Equinox hosting -- so even if we were to host every other session it would only be every three months (the next would be Beltane) so the threat of over-exertion is minimal.

Mmm, I adore that prospect, of the regular gang, the family getting together at regular (but spaced) intervals. I hope we can keep it up a year if not longer -- I have never held close friendships in that way before; we have always moved on or apart (or most of the time it was me moving to a different city) or just had our lives move in separate enough directions that while we still held love for each other we didn't see each other often anymore.

I have watched so many friends undergo drastic changes in their social groups as they moved into child-rearing life, I think I am afraid to lose this particular bunch to that when we finally crest that threshold.

In any case, this weekend wilst I took the time away from everything and just sat while it snowed and played playstation games, I found myself sighing with immense gratitude. Popping online to see what others were up to, I found them sighing a similar thing.

I can't tell you how immeasurably good that felt.


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Last few Rants:

I guess this is goodbye. - 11:57 a.m. , 2005-02-10
Endorphins, stress, and magickal mystery - 5:07 p.m. , 2005-02-02
stress, incoming - 4:42 p.m. , 2005-01-28
heaving great happy sighs - 3:05 p.m. , 2005-01-24
Imposter syndrome strikes again - 1:20 p.m. , 2005-01-19