Sometimes all it takes is listening to the universe.
For all my bustle and bravado, I am an innately lazy person.
I mean so well, what with my oversized, overlaboured heart, but obviously my brain is never going to get worn out at this rate.
Last summer Dan reminded me of something I was ashamed to have forgotten; when he asked me for a donation to his drum-a-thon for charity.
When Marn followed suit by doing much the same, I actually managed to take the hint.
(hey, it didn't even take three tries, that's not so bad)
Right now, and for the last while as well, I've been earning far more than I need or ever expected.
In University, I was broke and near broken, but I made up for it by volunteering with Students Against Illiteracy, with the AIDS Awareness folks, with the sexual diversity club, after school was done I joined a ski team and summer team for cancer research and the starlight foundation, a Clown troupe for every handicapped event out there, and even lost in France we did juggling for charity and spent some time doing translations for children's amnesty groups in Lyon.
In Toronto, I've been so short on time that I haven't even beaten down a single door for volunteer work. Aside my brief (but thrillingly successful) stint tutoring Nicolas in french (he has since been acing his semester, and I mean ACING, that he doesn't need me anymore besides the occasional motivational phone call to work when he's studying for a quiz)... I haven't been doing much. The hospitals have a waiting list for volunteers, the handicapped school across from my singing teacher's house is full up on clown companions for their kids.
After those two forays, when work started picking up, I shamefully forgot all about finding a place to better spend my efforts.
And then Dan reminded me.
I can still help. Maybe that's part of what this paycheck is for beyond occasionally feeding of our friends and surprising them with much-needed scarcities or unexpected mood-lifting amenities.
Actually, that's definitely what it's for.
So in August I started putting aside money each month as part of my attempts to get a handle on my finances.
This certainly helped curb my spending as well -- just keeping an eye on my habits.
Shamefully, though, aside from the occasional neighbourhood solicitor and admirable marathon-running friend (you'd think I'd take the hint there and join them) I've been sorely lax in spending that budget.
In Paris I spent all my money learning about fashion, and to balance out the obscene influence of this vanity we rollerbladed marathons for every charity under the sun.
In Toronto, I've finally beaten the urge for designer anything and no longer hate myself for the shallowness of that particular purely social trapping (what, me -- bitter?), but...
But I haven't done anything to balance out all the time I spending thinking about home, family, us, we, me, I, the house, our house, our life...
Which granted makes me happy beyond belief but I alone am not all there is and I've always known that and yet lately I've allowed myself to forget.
So today a young lady came by collecting money for Amnesty International and I surprised the hell out of her by handing her her morning's quota in a cheque. We talked for a while and then I left her on our front porch re-arranging her papers before moving on and I wandered back in to the sewing machine and only upon sitting down realized
It's cold outside
and by the time I was back at the door with the coffeepot in my hand she was gone and disappeared from the street.
I didn't even offer her a hot coacoa.
This time.
But slow as my brain is, I am learning. I will earn my place on this planet yet.
And I will take this lesson as a reminder to go out and find my own charities to donate to, rather than waiting for them to come to my door.