Comments:

auntiev - 2004-09-29 11:06:43
it took a lot of courage to do this, a first step to recovery ... my heart goes out to you and dave - brave monstre
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Surcey - 2004-09-29 11:43:58
I am so very sorry for your loss. And will be praying for you and your husband.
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nicole - 2004-09-29 12:59:23
I am so sorry for your loss. I think from the minute you find out you are pregnant there is this fear in the back of your head because you realize that you can't control this pregnancy which is the most important thing in the world. You just want to do everything perfect and as your experience shows, there is no way to control it. Things, terrible things, happen and all you can do is sit there and watch. I think it is the hardest thing in the world to accept. I hope you find a way, you seem like you are on the right path. And if I can give you any advice, just remember that everyone is trying to help you and say the right thing, even when it comes out completely wrong. Don't let this hurt you. Just try and remember the good intentions everyone has, even when they are failing miserably at helping you. I lost my son at 12 weeks and eventually the pain gets replaced by acceptance although the memory of him never ever goes away, which is a blessing.
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Katherine - 2004-09-29 16:47:22
Your thought that you can cry it all out before work begins ...all I can offer from experience is grieving such a loss will have its own rhythm and you'll find yourself suddenly mourning in a place you didn't think mourning could occur and the pain will ebb and flow over time. I found this out after my mother's death and I still mourn her death though it's been two years. But it comes in soft fits and starts. I've come to cherish such moments because during them I feel connected to her again.

You are under no obligation to talk to anyone - friends, family, anyone - if you don't feel up to it, and don't worry about obligations to others just now. Grieving will happen as its meant to and there's no schedule for it. You'll find some people you expect more from might not be very helpful or empathic right now. People react differently to death. So avoid, for the time being, people who can't cope and be with those who aren't afraid and who can give to you. People who can hold you, clean your house, make soup, clear out when you need to be alone without laying a guilt trip on you.

The experience of having him inside you and meeting him and saying goodbye is sacred and all of it is profoundly beautiful. That you held him and nurtured him, Monstre...you are a good mother, a wonderful mother. Every child should have such a mother.

I wish you and Dave all the best and I hope you take the time you need and give to yourselves the way you so generously give to others.
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jeff - 2004-09-29 21:51:35
oh damn
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