Last night Kristen dropped by and we decided to foreo the writing circle because Ford couldn't make it.
We made dinner and established an impromptu sewing circle instead.
Well, sort of. Kristen kept me warm company while I struggled with my over-achiever-edness.
In other words: as I mentioned in ze livejournal, I tried to take a new step in sewing last night.
I can hem the world's best crooked curtains, but I figured it was time to conquer something new that's an essential skill and yet so utterly terrifying.
And this time I did it slow, I listened to the last ten years of lessons about learning and my own stress.
I did it REAL slow, acquiring the patter, fabric, and sitting down to open it over the course of two months.
Last night, after our solstice party ended up destroying the pattern I'd so carefully cut (hey, but nothing else got stained or broken - that we've found! not bad!), I cut a whole new pattern.
An incredibly easy one, an apron, but it will be the shiniest, nicest, olive green apron on the face of the universe.
And, because it's the 24th of December but I'm still late for a "crucial" meeting -- I'll be brief.
Last night I learned a hundred things while cutting and reading that pattern with Kristen for company (and unbeknownset to her, inspiration).
I learned that sewing is more like math than computer programming, even.
I learned that it is difficult.
I learned that I have a lot more work to do before I can even begin to make any of the things I dream of just knocking off from imaginary spools of favourite fabric in my imaginary sewing closet.
I learned that much like calculus, juggling, rollerblading, and even singing -- all things I was initially convinced were impossible for "a loser like me" it is purely a question of how much time I am willing to put my full concentration into into it.
My brain so far can handle anything I have thrown at it, from emotional scars to intricate tasks.
As I grow better (not older) that tricky part of my brain learns how to play catcher and juggler better all the time.
It took me two embarassing months to cut a pattern only to have it ruined and the pants unmade -- but I learned so much in the process that I will go even further with this dream than the last one.
And this, in my mind, is a personal achievement above all other.
Yesterday I learned, with the help of a friend --
That I am capable of conquering anything in the universe.
Again. I learned it again.
And much like any of these other cyclical lessons -- I learned it even better this time.
Remember that < a href="round1.html">spiral staircase I occasionally go on about?
The one I've tattooed on my arm, and excitedly explained to at least ten people in the last week?
It is burning new holes in the known universe again.
:)