I'm stressed and the world is spinning by at a blurry sort of pace, colours falling into each other to paint surreal washes of a disturbing parrallel universe.
I'm in over my head and little bits of fortune keep falling into my lap, finding out I'd prepared certain documents that I thought I needed to do today -- an entire month ago. And they were spot on and in my blurred state I couldn't possibly do a better job.
Maybe in that parrellel universe the other stressed me had a time machine and went back to August to do all this groundwork so that the stressed me in this universe can throw a few words into a text editor and ease off a pound or two of steam.
In this universe, at least I think it was, I drove past a volkswagon beetle police car and today at noon I walked past a squadron of parked police cars -- a police jeep, a police landrover, a police SUV a police beetle and a police pickup truck.
I wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that the media has been blaming the police's "bad image" for the fact that they've been getting the shit kicked out of them by over-intelligent and angry street punks.
I don't want to talk about my stress, it's all so mundane, and I'm focussing on not letting it get to me, even if that means doing some work from home this weekend and calling my mother with Dave by my side so I can hold his hand.
Last night Kitty came by to discuss wedding dress designs and her brilliance floored me again. She knows so much and understands so much, and on top of that is one of the remaining few that believes in good. In kindness. In grace and generosity and laughing.
She wants to make my wedding dress and I wish I was master enough of words to tell her what a huge honour and compliment that would be, to have someone so near and so dear to me want to put so much effort into doing something for me, for our wedding, for the sake of love and joy and ... I think I'll skip sticking a joke into the end of this line.
No promises, we're all so stressed and broken this week -- but the very gesture itself is a reminder of magic in the world.
And in other news I haven't slept but I darn will tonight or else.
Or else that parallel universe is going to get a whole lot more colourful.
Today I learned how to delegate yet another task. It's a silly, small, embarassing victory but it makes all the obstacles just that one centimetre smaller.
My admin assistant is just like those heroes in fairy tales, and one day she'll believe me when I tell her that.