I am a verb instead of a noun.
Gosh, some people really do know how to talk to a monstre. ;)
Today has been lost in one large question that I haven't found the words to weave into yet.
Once I do, I'll have the solution too, but first I have to define my language and axioms.
And get a haircut.
I'm not sure which of those is actually easier in a long run sort of way.
So many questions, so many incomplete languages. Every time I learn a new one, I realize just how much there is left that is still impossible to convey to someone who speaks all of them as well.
And then I realize, just how impossible it is to find people who speak even a few of them.
And then I realize, just how many people don't even know what it means to use their language.
And then I get lost again, looking for my own words.
Nodding and smiling is so much easier.
And easier, so much less satisfying.
Some nights I wonder if there is a perfect point of balance between all the neuroses, between the cynicism that got me alive and this far, and the optimism that keeps me pushing further.
My strength is the naivet� that I have allowed myself to wear on my sleeve.
My strength is that you can push pins into my extremeties a whole handful of times before I stop flowering.
My strength is that once the petals begin to fall, I remember to bite down hard and keep moving.
My strength is that it takes a long time for winter to happen that way.
My strength is that I am a verb, not a noun, that I smile first, and push twice at a door that has already burned me once.
My strength is that I've remembered how to believe.
These are all axioms leading up to my next questions.
And those questions, will lead to new axioms, to new questions.
And the butterly on my arm speaks to the spiral staircase in my head and I keep changing, mutating, climbing, my calves as hard as the neuroses that I've painted my favourite reality with.
Words.
J'en ai tant, et j'en sais toujours pas comment m'en servir.
Mes mots, ich bin in ihnen verloren.
Verloren, pero por lo menos he comenzado buscar.