I'm a little emotional, is all. Part of it is pre-menstrual, part of it is a return to a house that I still feel slightly out of place in, part of it is Eric's lecture at the party on Saturday night
about when I'm going to stop all this nonsense and move back or he won't want to be my friend anymore.
I went to sleep Saturday night, beside a very unconscious and very silent Mr. Pyke, exhilarated by so many hugs, touched my so many smiles, slightly stoned, slightly drunk, warm from Cfoo's knee, aching in the belly from a roundrobin moment of supreme hilarity with cf, marv, and mystie,
and very, very, sad somehow.
A product of what was smoked, no doubt, and yet still slightly present in the wells beneath my eyes.
Driving into Toronto, though, Cfoo firmly esconced in the back seat amidst vegetables from my mother's garden (not an ounce of screaming since dad was out when I stopped by and this is a huge breath of nice) and pillows and sleeping things, was so much easier than the first time.
The city was familiar.
The chevrons painted on the highway no longer a symbol of being on a road trip, the purple light on the Skydome no longer a foreign vision.
No jolt this time, just this familiar turn onto the Gardner, just that familiar turn onto Parkside.
There are still tears underneath my eyes, but there are other realizations from this weekend as to wit and confidence and the further limits of my own strength and humourous little pockets of seeing myself from the outside again -- my favourite passtime -- and realizing that maybe I really am that spastic
and that in the eyes of people who's opinions I finally learned to care about, that's JUST fine.
And now I'm off to be hyperactive for the afternoon with my cfoo, my car, and the city.
The perfect cover letters to the list of contacts in my "todo" jobdoc are maturing in my outbox.
As for my inbox, it crashed this morning, so if you've emailed me something recently and haven't gotten a response, please do send it again.
Hopefully the next handful of gibbering in here will be just a touch more motivated.