The world still doesn't feel quite right today.
And I am biting down on harsh words from last night, making your friends hop a train for the 100km traipse to your appartment, where the trains back into Paris stop at 8pm, and there's no turning back.
Granted, Anna Maria and I were both feeling sickly.
But still, inviting us over for the evening, not having seen us in so long, and spending it making out with Mapie in the corner while we politely look away...
...I'm sorry, but that ain't good hosting.
I'm sorry, I know you're in love. Sometimes, I like to tell myself that I know how that feels, the way my eyes melt in the corners everytime I see him, everytime that little stirring wrenches in my chest, where he's somehow managed to touch me so deeply.
But.
But, I'm sorry, I couldn't wait to head home.
Crawling into bed, I was in a rotten mood. PMS, sure, the sky is still somehow upside down today.
In five hours, I've got my first singing lesson with Maja, at the conservatory. Just a test run, just to see where we should start.
She's already worried, I'm so far behind for a regular human.
If only she'd heard me butcher the easiest tune half a year ago, before we began singing incessently whenever we found ourselves in groups.
People talk about us now, talk about how wherever there's a monstre, there's music. On the metro platforms, in cars, in the street waiting for the gang to join up.
All this practice has made the music melt in more, has made it move better in between my ears.
I hear things sometimes, now.
And today, my first attempt at a lesson. I hope she doesn't give up on me.
Tonight, Celine should be joining us at the Quebecois bar, I haven't really seen her since we hung out with the same gang in school in Lyon.
Other than that, there'll be Seb and Daniel and Guillaume and Jocelyne (whose housewarming party is tomorrow) and Alain...
...hopefully enough smiling faces to make the nasty ones fade into the background.
I'll be drinking coke, and fruit juice. I just don't feel like beer yet.
I'm going to go take a bath and straighten out my insides, it feels too cold in my gut, today.