8am wake-up call from a very stern lady in Paris.
"Now that you've signed the contract, you'd better shape up, I can't send this CV to my clients! I need you to change this and this and this and your french is just too Quebecois and can you be more specific and I'll send you some information but I need it before tomorrow morning..."
Suddenly all the melancholy has flown and I'm in full-blown manic mode, a step away from begging for amphetamines.
We stayed up all night playing with KIS that Jeedi's friend Optix wrote, holy shit what brilliant code... It took two books in my lap and a few internet searches just to understand what he was doing with the kernel...
Can we say an undetectable BackOrifice for the linux kernel? The NSA has been working on it for weeks now, they have the source code and still can't find a signature to detect KIS with.
An hour of sleep after the sun came up and it was filled with dreams of C structures and random key generation.
I feel like a coder again, not nearly as brilliant as some of the creative geniuses out there, but I held my own and my body is suddenly more comfortable when my brain is racing again.
I'm going to go read some more of the design patterns book, I let it lag horribly last week, scared and unmotivated and hating myself for my lethargy, suddenly now I'm starving for mathematical languages, thriving on all this free time to work my brain into a frenzy.
Lethargy is my worst fear. Broken hearts and broken bones are staples of mundanity when there is an algorithm begging to be crushed into submission.
That stern Planaxis lady was SHARP. The generalities she accused me of are big words that most employers, even technical leaders skim over and assimilate into their tired minds. She sees through words and every angry prod of her fingers has me screaming to surpass her expectations.
Authority? I have no problem with authority when I can respect it like that.
I feel like a cub scout suddenly discovering that I can control my environment through the sheer power of my awareness and skills.
I know somewhere inside that I am fallible like any human, that incredibly stupid world leaders who are blind to what they are really doing are just a level of objectiveness away.
But that's so far away right now... Right now my blood is boiling and I'm alive.