I'd like to begin at the beginning, but I'm afraid the fine tip of the thread is hopelessly lost amongst the wonders that awaited me at my desk today...
Nastiness, first, to be rid of it, from Dominique's (ex-roommate) phone call at six in the morning that he was coming by to check mail that I'd already told him hadn't arrived, I waited up for him in the morning chill but the book I'd just begun (The Scarlet Letter, how could I have never discovered it before?) and the steaming bitter coffee was worth waking up early for.
Walking into work, there were a million e-mails, some complicated, but all indicated great developments in my search for the ever-elusive solution...
E-mail from a marketing guy at gemplus concerning a cancelled project that I would like to get my hands on, e-mail from a project manager that survived the lay-offs who is also desperate in getting that project back off the ground... The politicking is intricate and dangerous, but at least something's happening! At least I've done something so far...
Then the most glorious thing, closest to my heart, I guess, was poetry.
David, so afraid to write anything at all, so convinced that he is utterly incapable, but also afraid especially to write for me because of something I'd said as long ago as Valentine's day...
David, wrote the poetry I'd begged him to try.
And he wrote it for me, about me, about things I'd inspired in him...
True to his form, he thinks that they are base, primitive, he still believes somehow in his heart that the sexual urge is a primitive thing but...
Oh gods, they were so beautiful...
More beautiful than even I, who'd begged him to write, who was certain that he could, more beautiful than I'd ever expected.
I fled to France, terrified that he would forget me, would let go in his fears of a million things, so many things that still haunt me as I drop my curls to my pillow, and yet...
I feel as though we are Henry and June, I feel as though the things that I always wanted from him he is suddenly moved enough to answer.
Never have I received so much love in a six-line sonnet.
And I know that we are not together anymore, I cannot call him my boyfriend anymore, we never use the words love anymore, but...
But my heart is still brimming with him, and I fled to France and resulted with a correspondence that I could never have hoped for.
It makes everything so much more difficult, but that's fine. Obstacles are the stuff that push us forward.
My espresso is steaming.
Fran�ois, the guy I've been waiting for to show up from vacation, came by my desk this morning.
Fran�ois is brilliant and arrogant and ambitious, but foremost he is brilliant.
So he patronized me on first glance, it didn't take long to show him that maybe, just maybe, I know something he doesn't
and tomorrow I have meetings scheduled in my hateful little Microsoft Outlook Calendar, but each one is such a huge step forward...
And we talked of the terrifying security holes in version zero and version one of the software, but...
It means we're getting somewhere.
So my heart is full, and my brain is full, I am torn to shreds but I have everything I could possibly have asked for.
And for lunch, we had rack of lamb aux fines herbes, charlotte de fraises and wine, with perfect potatoes and beautiful vegetables and wonderful talk.
Anna-Maria says she'll teach me to be a lady one of these days.
I'm nervous and busy as hell and thrilled to death about it.
Poetry. The greatest gift I could have asked from him, and here it was just sitting in my inbox.
Heh.
Oh, and he's talking to his daughters twice a day now... The perfect icing to this cake is that my wish (despite knowing that I will lose him forever now) that he manage to gt closer to his girls is slowly coming true.
I just remembered. Cf? Mystie? Deadrifleman? This should interest you. Remember that huge dome we passed on rue des invalides on the way to the Rodin Museum? Remember how grandiose it was and how embarassed I was to not have the faintest clue what it is?
Well, it's Napoleon's tomb. Hah! Cool. I'm going to go see it on Saturday. :)