Time to be selfish again but the world is hitting me a mile a minute and just as the Gulf war left me crying inside, I've got other stuff to do while my inner brain tries to figure out a way to be less useless in all this.
In the meantime, I've been getting perfect job offers from MonStreal. Security development under Linux, what they call an intermediate salary breaks my heart to refuse, let alone their offer to help me move back...
Big company, organized, better environment than the madness I'm dealing with now.
But I made a commitment, and on top of that I promised myself that I could do this. Backing out now would ruin every lesson I've learned, and despite all appearances I've learned many, but I'm not finished engraving them into my memory yet.
I said no. I wrote a very professional letter saying that in the spring if they would consider my candidature I would fall all over myself to please them. I mentioned the three-month notice that I have to give before terminating my contract.
I mentioned loyalty, professionalism, I also made sure they understood how perfect the position they were offering seemed to me.
I'm broken-hearted but just a little proud of myself at the same time,
and in the meantime
I have this overwhelming post-traumatic urge to tell everyone I love you. Princess, Steven, Kaff, cf, Mystie, Ben and Bill and everyone else that occasionally drops by here that I've touched and not touched met and not met, I am thinking of you and squeezing you great hugs inside myself, while I fill out documents about the test network that I'll be setting up next week.