I should really stop smoking crack.
One could say, without too much fear of flung-fist retribution since it would be largely in fairness, that I've had my head shoved considerably far up my swollen-with-holiday-food arse the last few days.
Reaching for my make-up brushes with one automated hand this morning, the other reached for the birth control pills.
I woke up out of my been-reading-comics-since-6am daze when I couldn't find the slim little cloudless-sky-blue package.
I hadn't opened the one for this month on Sunday morning, as I have always done, every post-menstrual Sunday morning for (and this is the part that gets me) more than ten years, except the scheduled-pause intervals here and there.
(something tells me I should check the laundry basket to see if I've remembered to wear socks or underwear since he left my mornings so suddenly)
Funny though, how my subconscious listens when I'm off an running with other crises, when my first non-brutal gynecologist last year told me to take a break from the pill for a month or two (especially if I wasn't having regular sex) to let my hormones level out again.
Well, I'm takin' the break right on schedule seein' as three mornings missed is officially a fucked up month anyway, and seeing as the entirety of the hormonal upset happened in yesterday's episode of "I have done nothing with my life I'm no good at anything", I may as well go with it.
So it's a hormone-free month. I should post a little unreal-yellow business-depot warning label for three and a half weeks from now when I am caught in the midst of a particularly savage bout of PMS and wondering why the sky just won't shine for me.
Sometimes it is good to be reminded that I am still a slave to a body with real, live weaknesses, and that not all my doubts are based on urgent things.
(In all my monstre-ian arrogance I forget all too easily, my fallibility and my definite habit of taking certain random moments farrrr too seriously. Personal note: take only this reminder seriously, and well, certain other serious things. This is where I get confused.)
Yesterday though, I began to eke out the hilltop where I've been leaning, and this morning, the scent of the Russian Early Grey enough just in my nostrils, everything is clear, and I ain't even had a sip yet.
Today the sky is mine. Especially the corner with the pink elephants on holiday...
:D