I don't know if it's the post-adrenaline letdown, or the fact that my appartment caught fire last night shortly after posting, or of reading about Poz's pain...
...But something's got me down, and it's far past noon and granted, I just ate a delicious spaghetti boscaiolle that Anna Maria taught us to make last night (tried it again this morning) but...
I'm staring at an armful of resum�s formats, this one for this company or that one in Paris, this one for a headhunter in Montreal...
...and I'm staring at the black soot-marks up one wall near my bed wondering if everyone had a good time at my place last night, wondering if I feel up to meeting new people tonight, wondering how hard it'll be to find an electrician to fix the radiator because I'm freezing.
Oh, I know people had a blast last night, the smiles and kisses as they were leaving, my counter littered with glasses and dishes and candle wax, and I know there will be more laughter tonight.
And the sky is bright through my window onto the cour, and somehow I should be proud that when the radiator caught I didn't panic, didn't anything, just pulled it loose from the wall, turned off my power, and smothered it with a soaked dishrag.
My power's back on and the damage is minimal and everything...
...but somehow in the light of today I know that I've got a long way to go in the realm of marathons or any physical endurance, I know that my strength was straining too much yesterday, I know that far too many people would have done it easily, that learned to cross-country ski is going to be just as big an ordeal and just as humiliating at first.
At first.
It doesn't matter. This is my accomplishment and for me it's huge, and I'm still proud. It's a first step, the kind that is all too hard to climb and all too easy to stumble from.
The road ahead is just so long today, the resum�s just so filled with technologies that I've never touched, all looking for a windows monkey that my stubborn inner child doesn't want to learn to be.
Oh, I'm whingeing. I'm off to shower and wander my neighbourhood looking for an electrician and dessert for tonight.