I haven't felt this sort of brain tired in longer than my currently exhausted grey hunk of goo can remember.
I got lost in the food-serving part of the gourmet cafeteria.
I got lost looking for one of the four bathrooms on the 6th floor.
I'd be impressed by their vast displays of wealth, like the employee DVD library, swimming pool, and real carpeting --
but I'm far more impressed with how many people were smiling.
I got lost in the code, and looked up to find it was 7pm and nothing was working yet.
I didn't lose my way on the machines, though.
Any of them.
I even showed my new/temporary bosses a few tricks and made suggestions on other, far more interesting than this one, projects.
They were pleasantly surprised that the only girl on a floor with several hundred coders could come up with something relatively coherent that they'd been stuck on since November.
Not that I'll have time to follow up on it. I have a finite amount of time, to do something impossible, with skills that I haven't used since Steven's class.
Of course, that just makes it a worthwhile challenge.
It's just difficult to concentrate when a momentary distraction costs you several solid seconds, throwing you to imagery of a certain madman utterly naked and tied to something.
It's especially difficult when you get ZERO sleep the night before your first day, due to having overeaten at dinner, and
due
to rather vivid dreams.
Gods, I'd rather talk about this than eight billion concrete visions of today.
Rather than harping on the drastic change in the cracked pavement between Yet Another Harlem-like slum and the gleaming glass towers of the bank building, I want to be harping on the sudden buildup of saliva at the sound of a certain rumbling bass voice and the way it softens so harmoniously into storytelling mode.
Rather than panicking on tonight's two hundred pages of documentation, and where in hell I'm going to be living in less than two months --
I want to be gasping in wonder at certain firsts in my life, over-analyzing them and squeezing every last bit of appreciation from them.
But my brain is unabled to push out the words in any sensible order. Already I've said too much and made too much noise and been unable to express the one thing worth remembering;
the face-cracking smile that I've been sporting both in and out of my dreams for a few days now.
Imagine, happening upon someone else who believes in faeries.
Imagine, admiring someone's wit for years on a mailing list and finding out that he makes a better friend than comic, and that perhaps, just perhaps, he may feel just a little bit similarly.
At the risk of comitting a great injustice then,
I would like to wander a while in the sweet tang of actually wanting someone physically for the first time in a while.
I would like to talk about yesterday's first, the first time anyone ever wrote a story for me.
That beats a bouquet of flowers a million times over.
(So many gifts, Gods, I'm surrounded by more fortune than I deserve.)
But as I was saying, in typical unable to keep a straight thought fashion --
Mr. Pyke is one of the few lunatics around capable of taking one of my comically serious suggestions seriously.
Standing up to a nutty challenge. Gotta admire that in a madman.
When I suggested that he fill up some productivity time by writing an erotic story, I actually expected him to do more than laugh at my comedy and at least consider the idea.
I did NOT expect one of the loveliest erotic stories that I've ever read. (Colette, who edits erotica in her free time was just as impressed)
I did not expect three pages of compliment, not in anything mundane, not the colour of my eyes or the wilds of my hair
but three pages of sudden proof that he's listened to our conversations. That they may have meant as much to someone else as they mean to me.
Three pages of right-on-the-mark quotes and imagery, and far-too-flattering depiction of character.
Not to mention the mouth-watering sex.
But now I'm rambling. Last night I had every intent to meander nostalgically through some of the kindest things I've ever read, geekslut's shy yet incredibly moving moments of poetry, a few words about skin "untouched by society" that threw open my eyes as to how much really goes inside that kind heart of his.
I wanted to consider every kindness and written word that I've had the fortune to read, but it has all flown far from my head by now
and all I am left with
is an incredible desire to go canoe-tripping without toilets or anything but wilderness
with a very, very, naked Mr. Pyke.
Nine months ago he was here, larger than life and filling these walls with frantic conversations, but I was attached, so very attached, and so careful to not, no matter what, ever betray geekslut's trust.
And so I listened and talked and hugged and flirted, but I kept a piece of me away, and somehow
lately
I haven't done that. I haven't worried about the million beautiful women surrounding him in excited droves --
I haven't tried to keep that crooked grin from embedding itself into my heart the way Steven's shy smile and geekslut's perfect-toothed one have already encrusted themselves forever.
Yes, I'm relatively rabid with lust right now partially due to my unwillingness to fuck anything mundane after being spoiled by geek, partially due to cruel taunting by Mr. Pyke himself
but mostly
I'm thrilled to have happened upon someone unique enough to add to my tiny but growing collection --
of people who make life the shining gem that it is.
Ten months ago we began our friendship backwards, and right now
it feels as though it's bloomed into one of those gardens where the fey set the wind to tinkling with their laughter,
where I shake my head in wonder, and put the seventh or eigth chalk mark on the wall inside my head
where I check off having met someone I've always wanted to be able to believe in.
Once again, I am marvelling that some people even exist.
Then again, I cherish him for his lunacy, which makes me a lunatic, which means that quite frankly, my concept of reality is hardly up to snuff.
Which means, that technically, I *could* have just made him up. :)