I'm feeling like a young upstart today.
Well, relatively.
I skipped the partay because even after the bath I wasn't up to it. Tactile parties take an awful lot of energy. I tried calling, though, but the cell# Ian had given me for Kim didn't work, Toby's pager number that I had from ages ago ended up with me waking up some old french lady, I can't find the paper I scrawled Caspian's number on... And Adam wasn't answering his cell.
Whoa. I did try, though. *shrug*
I ended up crawling back into the bath and reading until my head drooped and then crawling soaked, and shivering, into bed.
I had nightmares like when I was in CEGEP. I used to have them every night, spurned on by nervousness, dreams of monsters devouring me beginning with my toes... DOn't compare.
These were dreams of every possible situation crashing down and me reacting from weakness and fear and every possible thing I'm truly terrified of.
Yeah, there were a few involving work and failure, far more involving serene situations and me turning into - you guessed it - my parents.
Stuff that seemed so reasonable in a dream, and waking up trembling at 6am.
It is reasonable.
And they're not so bad. In the white light twanging off my coffee mug they're further away than they seemed last night.
I woke up to an uplifting e-mail from Steven, and somehow his impossible and unfairly wonderful, undying faith in me added that pinch of VROOM to the shit I hafta get done.
I got talked into gaming with the Valkyries today, I hafta get laundry and the detested cleaning done before that. I'd better git going.
First I get to finish my coffee. And peer out the window and make sure none of those nightmares are lurking behind any rooftops anywhere.