Funny how I've become so fragile with barely a year of skirmishes chipping away at my bones...
Funny how the slightest stress terrifies me now, how in CEGEP when they made us answer all those questions about stressful factors in our lives and I would score off the charts and then laguh quietly to myself about it, and now my meagre score of something still relatively significant is giving me nightmares.
I've been having nightmares a lot this year. Yep, me too. Cause to get up, think about them, check to make sure my anus really hasn't fallen out and isn't dragging along behind me unplugging all the servers that I really need to make sure are running... And light a smoke and figure out how to appease my terified brain.
So today I'm teaching the Windows kids some linux, and I didn't realize I was a little nervous about it in anticipation until the third time I checked my clock this morning and it was still 5-something am.
And last night I was a little too tired as I dragged my frozen ass home, and I sat here and stared at the rotating gears of various subtle blues decorating my monitor and shivered. And worried. About nothing important, just sat here and worried about all the little things, and shivered and gripped my shoulders and felt oh, so, fragile.
And I don't like it one bit.
I'd better go shower, the kids'll be here soon, and I'm betting a steady stream of steam will chase some of these fears away.
Because I sure as hell don't plan on letting them linger.