It's been a rough handful of days, though I'm not entirely clear as to why this grey funk is oozing between my limbs.
Alright, the car's got me broke and that's stressful, but hardly a big deal, and the bridge game with the old boss and coworkers had us laughing so hard we nearly disfigured her lovely victorian furniture. (a house with no IKEA in it, can you believe it?!?)
Saturday night's sex-on-acid didn't go as planned. I think I've suddenly realized the nagging shame of not being able to get it up. We did mushrooms instead, and settled down to watch a few movies (yet another uberperson has been introduced to O.C. and Stiggs, brilliance that it is) and there was a moment here and there when his thumb hooked into the belt of my pants when I felt that delicious tingle...
...and we talked and talked in furiously quiet tones about the drowning sea of work and mundanity and how this year has nearly disappeared and I've barely noticed its passing...
But when dawn rolled around and the sun began to peek at us, we went our separate ways - him to the long drive home, and me to bed...
And I slept fitfully wracked with guilt at the awkwardness between us. Maybe I had Paul on my brain, maybe he had his friend from Seattle... But somehow...
I feel somewhat less virile, and it's weird.
But I got to play EQ today for the first time this week, although it being Canadian "thank god we're not american" thanskgiving, dearest Dazahan wasn't on, but I made 27th anyway, and lost drowned my sorrows some in freshly brewed ginesh. And we kicked some major ass, I have to admit.
I don't know from whence these mists came, but they are clouding me. I'm not ready to face work tommorrow, to face another demo, another reminder that I've forgotten how to program... The cheery dull-wittedness of my student, and the thought of facing Fabrice are nagging at me already.
Obviously, my stamina's down, eh?
I don't like it one bit, but hey. I've got a bookshelf of newly dusted books to read, and I lost my cell phone so it's not like anyone can disturb me, I think I'm off to lavender bubbles in a perfectly scrubbed bath.
And maybe in the midst of it, I'll figure out where I'm going.