The things I do for beautiful women... Happy now Lady?
*grin*
Well, a buddy of mine in Vancouver started a diary - let's see how long he can keep it up, eh? ;)
Mmmmm, gaming nights. Otherwise known as "stock-up-on-affection-to-survive-the-week" nights...
Guys, without you, I'd be an even bitterer old spinster. ;)
Skipped work yesterday afternoon to go to computer lab at school, thinking I might learn something... Got me some hugs and managed to trim my e-mail down a *bit* but that's about it. I think I've become the quintessential bad student. I wonder why, though. I've always had a bad attitude about homework, but *this* is ridiculous...
Went grocery shopping with my dad after, and it was relatively painless. Laregely because I'm learning how to keep me mouth shut. Took him out for dinner to La Belle Province after, wonder if the grease got to 'im... I'm going to get the height of shit for it anyway, but hey.
And then there was gaming. The stress in the room pulled at your skin when you walked in, but the hugs came 'round eventually. M, more and more a gentleman every day, shared his dinner wine with me, and it tasted surprisingly delicious. Then he gave me the massage I begged for, and tho my shoulders still ache, it helped. And it was lovely on top of that. :)
Have I mentioned how wonderful the boys are? Check last week's entry, I'm sure I have. Alluv'em. They're awesome. Awesomeawesomeawesome.
L gave me minor crap for my coldness with CHOM boy. I confessed my slight guilty conscience, and after mocking me that "two months doesn't really count as a hiatus", I think I learned a thing or two about this sudden ice-queen who's taken over my body.
Here're my two theories. First of all, I don't have time to dedicate to someone else right now. I barely have time for EverQuest, let alone to fawn over someone and worry about what they're thinking, et al... And I'm "waiting for fullness" on that note in May. Secondly, I'm terrified of letting someone get too close. Why? Because I've had an eventful year, from puppydog's betrayal (which he didn't intend as such but which hurt me without my noticing until right about now) to O's "shat on a great height" - hey babe, about that, btw - I learned a major lesson about monstres and love, so I told ya, I appreciate it... To... Oh... Lotsa stuff. It's been a great eventful, but I just ain't ready to hurl myself back in full force either way. Of course, that doesn't mean I'll stop... ;)
Being a slut is fun, but it sure do get overwhelming if you're not careful. I gotta learn this careful business.
Point being, I'm still perfectly happy to love everyone I meet (tho not quite how that sounds), but when CHOM boy asked me if I'd "ever been in love" I cringed at the question, and I'm slowly learning why.
And O, you've taught me a lot about how, no matter how much I lecture the ski team boys about "deciding what you really want before you go after it" - I've still got a bit of growing to do in that direction too.
And we always will. It's just so hard to remember sometimes that being able to depend on someone or something doesn't equal being sure about it. Being absolutely sure about something just means you've stopped questioning, and that's dangerous.
Right. So I gotta dress for de opera tonight, and I gotta get off me arse and go to work so big wet *smooches* to anyone who wants one, I'll talk to you later.
Happy, Lady? :)