Headphones on, in search of the greater inspiration. My code is sitting here waiting for me to fall into it again.
Today has been all about planning mundanities like whether or not I feel like cooking a lentil dahl tonight or if I just want to curl up on Dave's couch and have my shoulders massaged...
And lunchtime at the gym we found new ways to hurt ourselves, seeing as I'd sworn not to overdo the weight settings, I overdid the amount of reps instead.
I didn't know triceps could feel that way, but it's kind of cool.
I still kinda feel like I'm wasting headspace on it, though - no matter how much Dave likes hearing about my escapades disguised as workouts, this feels as shallow emotionally as it feels delicious physically.
I have, however, charmed all the hostile personal trainers with a few of my odder antics and disjointed questions.
Like asking about intentional disfigurations -- "Do you think I could grow something that looks like a shoulderblade out of my back if I work the right combination of upper back muscles? Y'know, just a little bump that looks out of place..."
(I consider this an accomplishment.)
I guess everyone's happiest when the monstre is in entertainment mode, and I don't begrudge anyone that, today.
Today I'm thankful that I haven't had an urge to smoke, that I didn't succumb to the urge to slaughter Daniel for fucking with the driver configuration on the linux box he swore we could share (the condition was that he not touch anything critical, y'know, like DRIVERS, let alone try re-installing something that was working and that took me three days to GET working and THEN only tell me about it a full workday later while I've been searching for bugs in my own code based on the fact that I trusted my framework...) that it's 8 o'clock and I still have my wits about me, maybe because I'm feeling healthier, I don't know...
Today I'm thankful that I don't feel as fat and bloated as I did yesterday, I'm thankful that my form-fitting wool turtleneck from last year still fits and isn't embarassing. (tho I wouldn't want to be photographed for posterity)
Today I'm thankful that Kaff so eloquently put precisely what I have fought to feel for so many years, but now find myself drowning in with each sunrise.
Today I am thankful for wistfullness, thankful that in the Kiersey temperament sorter that I am back to ENTP -- because for a while there while dealing with the betrayal of a certain ex-who-doesn't-want-to-be-mentioned I was an ENTJ and I didn't like that at all.
I am back to being someone I want to be. (but still working out the kinks, as usual)
Today I am thankful that I still believe in faeries, no matter how hard-headed and hard-assed and fucking cynical I seem sometimes.
And I'm almost considering going to Rekhodiah's gamer's convention, because it's a roadtrip I can do on a weekend without taking vacation time away from the trip to France with princess, and because it's been too long since I've immersed myself amongst people who realize just how ridiculous the mundane consideration of reality is.
And cuz I'd get to meet Reverend Bobby and kick his petulant ass, and I'd get to hug Rekhodiah and TributeToADeadRifleman, and whoever else that might show.
Can you imagine, a diaryland-gamer-geeks convention, out in the middle of a city I've never even heard of.
Anyone want to come along for the drive up? If you're on my way, I'd love to grab you and drag you along for the company.
ROAAAAAAD TRIP. Discovering Pennsylvania. It's been too long since I've run off and driven somewhere for the sake of simply driving there.
Maybe.
I still like my idea of sleeping in my car rather than being all posh and spending the night in a hotel. I mean - it's a bunch of gamers. What in hell do I need a shower for? For a moment there I was remembering crashing out in strange places...
...back when I had to. I still wonder sometimes if renting hotels now is partly a spoiled luxury. The question still plagues me...
Just as much as spending so much time thinking about a (&#%*&^(&@%^# cardio machine does. ;)