Me an' a mug of hot tea. William of the pear, and nothing in the air except dust motes and the patient hum of Silenus, Cerberus, and Hydra, my three closest friends.
So what if'n they're all machines? They're hardly low-caste.
It was me an' a machine yesterday evening, I actually felt like going out, not so tired all of a sudden, suddenly raring to go, even, the scent of summer on the wire and little snippets of morse tap-tap-tapping their crescendo of screaming hormones on my fingertips. (I think I've beaten a piece of the terror and now I'm working with anticipation)
So I stayed home. Answered some long overdue e-mail, and not enough of it, either.
I put on an old dress, with a sweatshirt draped overtop, and pretended like it was normal to be wearing one.
It was comfortable, at least, legs free, underwear-free, playing a large black man with his small band of strangely loyal fans, all evening.
I'm getting tired of the guild, not in that I'm tired of them - they're all such mind-bogglingly wonderful people... Really it's another case of the online phamily fenomenon, but... I'm tired of always taking stuff and not being able to give much aside from the occasional snippets of drunken poetry.
Akio accused me of stealing Folli's job as bard, but... Folli sings. I write. I am a wizard, a man of learning, makes sense that I would try to record, try to put it to paper, no?
Anway, they've got some boots for me in the bank, I didn't even know I was allowed to wear boots, Sunday night when I messed up royally and thought I'd lost all my valuable stuff (that they'd either given me or loaned me in the first place) they were already on their way to find me replacements before I even figured out whether it was lost or not.
Ahem.
They're too awesome, I'm not really helping much. *shrug* Ganelin and Sheora and Rumtuggle and Madgalis (the new kids in the guild, who've shot past me by levels and noble achievements) think of me fondly because I'm the first drake they met.
Hey guys, just cuz you lost your virginity to me doesn't make me special.
Or does it?
Is that how it works? Is that a tiny part of the secret mundane world that I've been missing? Is that a part of the irrational "why"s?
Are my standards too upside-down?
I'm drinking tea because I had coffee over breakfast with Johnny. It felt good, (and I'm looking forward to that car sicne the commute by bus is 45 minutes, and by car, it's, *gasp* 6 mnutes. No really. Door to door) and I asked about the whole "how can you be in love with someone mundane" thing and...
Hrmmm.
Everyone's special, and it's not about picking the ones that're so special they're the ones who only you appreciate but you appreciate them so much they blow you away?
Why bother with the paperwork, then? John does it because it's practical to have some random girly (who granted is nice and sweet and can ballroom dance and fuck like a banshee... But she doesn't understand the adrenaline bits and pretends like it's some funny game...)
Hrmmm. After this year of lessons in humanity from John and frankly from just about everyone I've ever run into ever, I know that I can sit down in a car and hit it off for a few hours, maybe even a night, with nearly anyone. Because I'm easy-going (and easy) and because we've all been so many places there's bound to be something you've seen that thrills me.
Trick is to get it out, and it's not a very tough trick to turn.
So maybe that's another reason I don't date. Maybe it's not entirely a trust issue, a terror issue, an independence issue, a dyke issue...
*shrug* I'm just not into the "yeah so we're dating so we can have sex and you can say you have a girlfriend". Fuck right off. If'n I git desperate enough for nookie, I'll call *shudder* Telly again.
So that's sort of why I didn't venture out last night. Instead, I started the "rabid grizzly" quest, thought I'd completed it until I got screwed for faction and now i have to go to Paineel and collect bone chips until the paladdin loves me again. It's low on xp, but high on experience. Oh, never mind.
Just count money for life worth, and leave me alone with my tea.
I'll be going out a handful times this week, back to the fray, and I'm trying to pace myself.
Everything is about trying to learn to pace myself.
And maybe I'll have that talk with Alain cuz he'll be at Foufs. And maybe I'll look a little more carefully at some of the people who've been trying to get my attention.
Slowly. Quietly. And no, I'm not in the mood for polyamoury right now guys, sorry. Well, not all of you at once.
Hrmm. I've talked myself in circles, but the tea smells good and somehow what I want makes sense without the words and I've got a hummingbird to go snap into submission.
*smoooooch*
Monstre.