I just have one question.
Why can't I be perfect?
I've worked so damnably hard for it.
All I want is to never lose control like that. All I want is to have the capacity to understand anything that I come across.
All I want is the potential to know everything.
All I want is to be able to help everyone, love everyone, make time for everyone.
I want to excel at my job. I want to excel at writing. I want to excel at graceful sports like skiing and hockey and mountain biking. I want to be able to play an instrument.
And most of all, I never want to need sympathy. I am not little or cute or lithe or precious enough to be worthy of sympathy.
But I've worked fucking hard to be this strong, and to never have to lose control.
Just...like...my...mother.
I am driving myself insane, just like my mother did.
But I have you. And I still don't need your sympathy.