I'm already hours late and aeons out of time
but I had to record the realization.
Some other day I'll talk of the lessons I am learning every day, harder and harder of late -- lessons on the meaning of friendship as I had never truly understood before, lessons on corporate life, lessons on marriage and community and a hundred glorious things.
For now I have one over-arching realization that I had to record for posterity when some child much like I once was asks me:
"When did I realize I was on the other side of the fence?"
I realized it again today, that I'd crossed that line some time ago.
That line drawn across the highschool principal's desk, with authority on one side and you, in trouble again, on the other.
That line drawn across a pink slip or evaluation sheet, with your boss on one side, and you on the other.
That line drawn on the office floor -- with me on one side, and terrified minions on the others.
Oh gods, I'll never make it as an executive. I don't even have any stripes in my title and already I'm wracked with guilt.
I just scared the spit out of someone by asking him to "come see me immediately".
He nearly kowtowed when he realized I was just handing him a few things I'd promised to have a look at, before I forgot again.
And then I realized further -- half this place behaves precisely the same way, even when I don't use such traditionally trouble-related terms.
Shit.
When did I become the boss-lady?
And why don't I feel like one except for when I unintentionally cause someone pain?
Ah me, as usual, I'm getting about this all back-asswards.