I have this craven urge to wrap myself around someone, and explore every crevice of their teeth with the tip of my febrile tongue. I want to suction the air directly from your lungs and breathe in what you've already breathed.
That was my sincerest urge last night, stumbling up the four flights of stairs to my appartment. Drunk, thanks to Marc buying shots of liquid cocaine (on his own birthday, no less), and Kaff's yehermeister hugs, and my feeble attempts at new melange.
Let's just not reminisce about the millions of spliffs that ran by my fingers after dinner, before the movie, after the movie, on the drive to Foufs... The stoned surprise that Bruno's friend "I'm going to invite ALain, you'll love him!" is none other than the big brother of an old lab partner (no wonder my C++ sucks, Yves did all my homework for me) - and none other than the guy who's elf I used to beat up on when we gamed in his parents' basement. Years and years ago.
Much hugging ensued. Explosive hugs, heartfelt hugs, arms wrapped around arms wrapped around arms.
What happenned? --To the days where I would peer about myself in my dark corner, wondering how a world with so many billions of people, could possibly be so alone.
In my unbelievable fortune, something snapped, and the borders of that world started letting stragglers in. Now I am surrounded by uber-people. Some, ten, twelve, 20 years my senior - they've had time to absorb the melancholy and build it into something greater.
Happy 32nd, Marc. Your fierceness is forever my inspiration. You're still a paladdin behind that "lead-programmer" burgeoning career.
I am determined that my career will not suck me dry, either.
But I have to find that challenge. Cobalt is drowning in seas of mediocrity, and he's got to find a way out. Unchallenged, unmolested, there can be no change, no poetry, no neon-flashing-lights shouting "UBERPEOPLE, THIS WAY".
Speaking of which, Softimage e-mailed me today. "Call me at your earliest convenience". MEEEEEEEEP. This will be my token-noise until the next few overwhelming weeks are over. GemPlus made their final offer, who the hell AM I to be offered that kind of job? That kind of money, that kind of coddling and benefits and environment. And hey, the important thing is, they've both promised FREE COFFEE. Really, that's all I need. ;)
yikes. No matter what, my challenges lie stretching into next year.
I have a future, I have an unbelievably glorious now, and yet I still do not fear crossing the street, and getting run over.
And, you're beautiful. I'm going back to my homework.
Namaste,
Monstre.