It's difficult to gather my winds to pour into here when I've already farted into there.
There is so much more, though. So many comating lessons, sentence fragments from a hundred conversations with "aestheticians", "specialists", "beautiful people".
It is difficult to separate the wheat of modern technology and the chaff of commercial bullshit.
Here's my version:
If an aesthetician (and yes I am almost spitting the word) can sit there and tell me that my skin is beautiful, then why is her second breath telling me which products I should use to continue making it beautiful?
If using nothing is obviously keeping it from drying out, getting dirty, losing tone, getting oily, etc -- then why use something to do those things?
Because it will do it better?
Because telling me I look like I'm twenty and like I get facials all the time will convince me of something intangible?
I use an expensive facewash, I admit it. I use it once a day. Not twice. It removes makeup, dirt from touching my face all day, sweat from sleeping.
I use cream after I wash my face. Once. I use it because otherwise my skin hurts, feels tight, gets dry and very red in places.
I do not use toner. I do not moisturize twice a day, wash twice a day, use anti-wrinkle or anti-liver-spots stuff.
One lady will tell me "you should start worrying about wrinkles when you're seventeen as prevention."
Another will say "now's about the right time". Right.
A third says "whenever they appear".
All of their theories fall apart when I look at myself and finally realize:
I'm proud to be and look precisely who I am.
This morning the eliptical machine humbled me again.
Tomorrow it will humble me less.
Next month I will be beating it to splinters, and by next year my heart rate will no longer frighten me.
Today I am good. I am happy. I am working hard and well and coming up with good ideas.
I am content, my belly still gloriously sore from a bout of bedside giggle-wrestling last night. The best sort of release.
I am proud that I am adapting again, staying in one place for more than a year reduces stresses that are no longer relevant to my life.
Fashion and appearance are a big part of that, Montreal's need to look different and sleek, Paris' insistence that everyone keep up.
Today I am wearing comfortable shoes.
Today I am wearing slacks. Plain slacks.
Today I am looking at myself as a person again.
Today I feel good. Just, plain, good.
I am learning to tone it down. Plan fewer things over longer stretches of time.
I'm not panicked about anything today. I have time to test drive a the new Prius hybrid car, we have time to refinish the bathroom, put stairs into the attic, re-do some wiring, finish the basement.
We have time to hang photographs and appreciate art, I have time to breathe and get the drive-clean certification and renew the registration on my car.
We have time to live, and love, cook and entertain and laugh and tickle and enjoy.
Today I am feeling the time warm my clean unburdened skin as it wafts timely by...