I am wot I am.

I am no raging beauty, lithe of limb and subject to a million bardic tales.

I am no nymph-out-of-water, doe-eyed and slender and surviving on the kind words of strangers.

I am no graceful princess, I do not smell of "apples or grass", I'll never be a Martha Stewart nor a haughty-taughty aristocratic lady to hire the likes of one.

"In Mind

There's in my mind a woman
of innocence, unadorned but

fair-featured, and smelling of
apples or grass. She wears

a utopian smock or shift, her hair
is light brown and smooth, and she

is kind and very clean without
ostentation--

but she has

no imagination.

And there's a

turbulent moon-ridden girl

or old woman, or both,
dressed in opals and rags, feathers

and torn taffeta,
who knows strange songs--

but she is not kind."

--Denise Levertov

I am caught somewhere in between, I've lost a feather or two along the way, if I could sing, it would be the strangest song t'ever grace... But I cannot sing.

I am no Disneyland-obsessed graceful girl, the kind that responsible and well-collected young men like John can fall in love with, I do not make heads turn when marching my disconnected parade down a downtown street - I am not afraid of spiders or bats, and yet...

I am not quite goth, not quite punk anymore, not quite anything when you step back and look around, I am a hero of some fairytale that's long since faded from american memory --

when all is said and done in the quiet death of the evening, I am not very much at all.

I am caught in a poem, trapped in a sociopathic urge (but I am no sociopath in my heart of hearts), flayed by the passing of tender moments that I doubt I'll see again anytime soon, or want to see.

I am no girl, young and fair, I am no old woman, yet - and yet, and yet...

Sometimes in these soft-lit mornings I wish I could make heads turn and not for the piercings in my ears.

But I feel the onset of my period speaking, this melancholy is hardly real - and how many "women" are lucky enough to have you here?

I am wot I am and sometimes I am quite proud.

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