I keep checking my pulse expecting not to find one --
either because it is beating far too fast to be noticeable anymoreor because it has given up entirely and stopped beating altogether.
Birthday celebrations were legendary, funny how on the loneliest nights I wonder if there is anyone out there that thinks of me as anything more than a great laugh and good entertainment and just as the doubt is really beginning to sink in amongst late nights at work and painful miscommunications...
...somehow everything comes through, their intentions gleaming like stars reinstating themselves in the darkened skies.
Thursday, aside from the turnout to lunch where they forced great steak down my throat followed up by vodka, they pulled UBER prank on me, that they'd spent all week planning.
See, we play pranks on each other at work. On Patrick's birthday we toilet-papered his office, keyboard, mouse, computer, desk, coatstand, chair down to the wheels. Meticulously. On Peter's birthday we soaked his chair. On Dan's birthday we stole his car, moved it to a different parking lot, filled it with newspaper and covered it in dollar-store lipstick. (my apologies to people I'd told we'd toilet-papered it, I've been corrected by the man himself)
In any case, they'd warned me to bring a change of clothes. I did. I also brought both nerf guns and plenty of ammo as punishment.
Walking in from lunch, I couldn't figure out why Chantal looked so depressed...
...walking into my office I found out why.
My desk had been cleared off. Entirely. Computer, juggling equipment, papers, books, notes, GUNS, everything but the phone, and a folder with a letter of termination inside.
Termination due to outlandish dress code, and due to the fact that the new shade of purple/fuschia of my hair was just one step too far.
Too bad they got the signature wrong, and didn't notice that the folder of mine that they'd used had my hand-writing all over the back.
I nearly knocked myself out laughing. Seriously - I hit my head on my desk...
Then I realized that my guns were gone, I had a deadline in fifteen minutes, and had no notes.
The ensuing chaos of flurried fists and tweaked ears is still being spoken of.
Then we went out that night. The work crew. To Woody's pub. They have this drinking game you see... And they were determined to see me REALLY drunk.
Followed me home, watched me park my car, and kidnapped me the moment I locked it up.
So we drank.
Many rounds.
At some point Tia decided that it wasn't fair that she needed help to get to the bathroom, and that I was the only one still sober enough to do it.
So she bought a round for all of us (we were many) but I had to drink 'em all.
I did. Then I sat down, and proceeded to announce that I was quite drunk.
"Bring out the JD!"
NOOOOOO!!!
One last shot, and for some reason that put me over the top.
I lay my head down on the bar and ceased to notice my surroundings.
Or the fact that I puked (but managed to completely miss myself) for the first time since High School.
And the cute guy I've been flirting with at work carried me to a bench at the back of the bar...
How terribly embarassing.
It was great.
Friday, I was at work before 9, gloating that I'd survived. No one else made it in before 11, so technically my huge effort would have been unappreciated had I not e-mailed 'em all... Now they're accusing me of fucking with the logs.
Wish I'd thought of that.
Friday night, princess organized chinatown dinner, where chaos ensued, with a fight at another table and broken dishes and everything.
And I got a colourful kooshball that I got to throw at everyone.
Saturday was the corporate christmas party, and I forgot to bring juggling equipment, but apparently my outfit made quite the stir, tattoo showing and all.
I spent half the evening making out in a corner with my date, and with cute-boy-from-work watching.
That was a little confusing, and I feel half-guilty that when we dropped my date off at home towards dawn, I didn't even kiss him goodbye... But it was cold, I wanted to be up early, and I'd promised cute-boy a lift home.
Of course, when cute-boy invited me up I couldn't say no...
And we talked past dawn, and when he invited me to stay the night I don't know why I didn't.
Maybe it was the watching me make out thing. Maybe it was the shock of seeing pictures of his daughters.
Maybe it was 7am and I just wasn't thinking straight... But I apologized to him today and he wanted to know if he'd bored me with his chatter...
Of course, today being BIG VISITOR FROM FRANCE AGAIN day, I didn't have time to answer him, but it'll work out...
I am The Monstre, after all.
I think.
Ludovic, our linux-guru-from-france guy had my ego in the dumpster this morning. He's so good... Watching him wreak havoc with my machines terrified me.
And he's so nice. And brilliant. And. And. And...
By 5 o'clock I was panicking, wondering what I'd gotten myself into with all my talk of ssh and PKCS11 and things I wanted to implement. He knows so much more than I do about all of this shit, and I volunteered to work with him... While he's in France and I'm here and panicking that I know nothing.
By 8pm, I was showing him stuff, and promising to get the gdbm stuff fixed on my own since he was so confused.
I feel better, told him to take tommorrow off and go touring because I didn't need him for the gdbm stuff and we can't progress without it.
I drew on his map and showed him all the hot spots and hugged him goodbye, and now I'm home...
...and my machine is working again (major crash this weekend and I don't want to talk about it cuz it's embarassing) and all I can think is
it's been a rollercoaster ride completely devoid of sleep or rest and the dishes are piled up and my bedroom floor has gone missing again and the adrenaline in my veins is threatening to blow out my brains
but
I feel loved, and wanted, and most of all I'm pretty fucking proud to be monstre.
And I'm apologizing again for anyone I've been neglecting this week...
...but I've got my excuses and I'll make up for it, I sweaaaaaar.