April last I went on a different sort of shopping spree with my shopping partner in criminality, Kitty.
On that shopping spree I bought a snapdragon seedling for $1 (CAD) hoping to see it flower just once.
That $1 snapdragon has since refused to stop blooming and blooming, despite being replanted twice in The Great Indecisive Relandscapings of 2003, despite the drought during our week away, despite All Impossible Odds.
This morning in my thoughtful meanderings of the garden I snapped all the snapdragons (gently).
This morning in my thoughtful meanderings I pilfered tomatoes for my CAO because she'd begged for them (I'll call your mother if you don't! she said) and tomorrow morning I'll begin keeping the remainder of our tomatoes because there is nothing more beautiful than an incredibly enthusiastic Dave boiling jars for canning.
This morning in my thoughtful meanderings I fell off a sidewalk on the way to the Governance Offices.
This morning I started thinking time frame.
I started poking and prodding asking myself "am I ready am I ready".
It's one thing to decide that we want to have children, that we want a family, that we trust each other to teach beauty not traumatize.
It's one thing to discuss child rearing theory, to collect children's books and peer just a little more overtly at rugrats everywhere.
It's entirely another to put a date on it. To call each other "father", "mother", to use those words as though they slipped quietly from the tongue without a single pounding of the heart through the ribcage.
I am thrilled beyond belief, and so in love with life and love and the world and Dave. I am in love with who I am learning to become, I have confidence in how much we've both changed and grown in just the past year alone.
I'm not sure I can keep wire metal hangers off the bedroom floor, let alone keep a vulnerable infant safe and nourished and clothed and warm.
I'm sure that I want to try, and try with all the strength I've ever poured into anything.
I think I've got the beginnings. Now come the journeys of introspection.
Because, maybe, just maybe, if I think about it just enough and not too much (yeah right) I can learn the lesson before I have to learn from the mistake.
And I could ramble on and forth, but I have a singing lesson to masterize.